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We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I\'m going to miss mine by just a few days.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn\'t go away.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
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One doesn\'t have a sense of humor. It has you.
Finagle\'s Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
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As the post said, \'Only God can make a tree,\' probably because it\'s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
Don\'t be so humble - you are not that great.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Smith & Wesson ? the original point and click interface.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
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Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Jesus may love you, but I think you\'re garbage wrapped in skin.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are.
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Barab?si\'s Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ? whether it is correct or not.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it\'s more likely to be female.
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Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I\'m not there, I go to work.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Once you\'ve written TBicycle, you never forget how.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
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A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, \'Don\'t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\' I said \'I didn\'t know there were any witnesses. Now I\'ll have to kill you too\'.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
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Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels?!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he\'d lie just to keep his hand in.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI?!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Don\'t be so humble - you are not that great.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
I\'m trying to see things from your point of view but I can\'t get my head that far up my ass.
If there?s one thing I know it?s God does love a good joke.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you\'re pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
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There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
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Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
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Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Yes, I\'m fat, but you\'re ugly and I can go on a diet.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Don\'t drive me crazy -- it\'s within walking distance.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man\'s nose begins.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
I am not young enough to know everything.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
If there?s one thing I know it?s God does love a good joke.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
Why don\'t you write books people can read?
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn\'t understand me.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said \'no\'.
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Marry me and I\'ll never look at another horse!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
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Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
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The truth is more important than the facts.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
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Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
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He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said \'no\'.
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
A man\'s only as old as the woman he feels.
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that\'s how dogs spend their lives.
If there?s one thing I know it?s God does love a good joke.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don\'t add up.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
We don\'t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
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Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side
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Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
I\'m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law\'s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a \'C\', the idea must be feasible.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
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If you can count your money, you don\'t have a billion dollars.
Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax.
Many a man\'s reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
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I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
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People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
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Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
If it wasn\'t for muscle spasms, I wouldn\'t get any exercise at all.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is \'to be prepared\'.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
If there?s one thing I know it?s God does love a good joke.
I\'d stop eating chocolate, but I\'m no quitter.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn\'t cure.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
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A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
In America, anybody can be president. That\'s one of the risks you take.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don\'t think.
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It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn\'t cure.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I\'m not mad.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
Am I lightheaded because I\'m not dead or because I\'m still alive?
Either he\'s dead or my watch has stopped.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Don\'t be so humble - you are not that great.
You can pretend to be serious; you can\'t pretend to be witty.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said \'You\'ve been promoted\'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said \'You\'ve been promoted again\'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said \'You\'re managing director.\' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said \'What happened to you?\' And I Said \'I careered off the road.\'
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
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The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
O\'Toole\'s Corollary of Finagle\'s Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
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DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
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The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/18/(Wed) 01:55
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